The Human Experience

Lately, I've been reading in Mormon (you know, from the Book of Mormon), a part of the BoM that's usually pretty depressing/pointless for me.  If you haven't read this book (I highly recommend you do--it's very good), this is the part where the Nephites (the main people in the book) all fall away from the truth and get destroyed.  It's sad and depressing and very dark, and when I'm usually in my sunshine-y phase of life, I tend to kind of skim over it without getting much out of it other than the message to stay strong like Mormon (the prophet at the time) did, and that's about it.

However, today, I was reading Mormon's lament, where he talks about the mourning and the sorrow he's experienced as the Nephites continue in their wickedness, and I was touched.

It's okay to be sad.  It's okay to have sorrow when people you love aren't choosing what you'd like for them to choose.  It's okay that I'm sad that my husband doesn't have much of a relationship with God; it's okay that it breaks my heart that my sister is rebelling; it's okay that I'm mourning the fact that my dad is an addict who has put his marriage in jeopardy....experiencing this heartbreak and sorrow and sadness doesn't make me bad, unhealthy, or even necessarily codependent.  It makes me human.  It makes me compassionate.  Mormon was a prophet, for crying out loud, and yet he genuinely sorrowed and mourned the downfall of his people.

However, when I start to worry or fix or try to rescue or plan for these people in my life--THAT'S where the unhealthiness comes in.  Mormon agreed to be a general over the Nephite armies twice--once in his younger years, and then again when they begged him to come back; but he didn't take responsibility for their choices, and when he was allowed to preach, he did so knowing that they weren't going to change....and the entire time he is writing about his sorrow, he continues to use phrases that show that he still trusts God and HIS plan, despite the pain he is experiencing.

That's what I'm wanting and trying to do.  It's okay for me to feel pain, sorrow, hurt, and even abandonment and trauma.  That's part of my human experience and part of God's plan for me....and I'm not weak or deficient in some way for feeling these things.  But I have to trust God through all of it.  That's the part that can be hard, but it's the part I'm gaining the most from.

Anyways.  Just a thought.